Steve’s step dad had just returned to California, so it was just us three women that day, the day the chaplain prayed for Steve. His two dads had been amazing at taking turns taking care of us. His step dad would fly in and stay a few days, feeding us, collecting medical information, checking with doctors across the country…

The gratitude I felt that morning was for the doctors and nurses who were working hard to keep my husband alive. This feeling of deep gratitude quickly turned to a feeling of surrender. I realized I had been wanting to end this experience as quickly as I could and go home with my husband…

The next day Steve’s nurse was the same one from the day before. As his sister, mom, and I gathered around his bed doing our usual hand holding and foot rubbing, she seemed to be a little irritated with us, like we were in her way. Eventually, she told us we all needed to take a break…

I hadn’t seen Steve awake since he had gotten off the ventilator and was placed in the new ICU room. He had awakened the night before while I was sleeping a much needed sleep. The first time seeing him awake happened the next morning as I entered his room. He was groggy from a long night with his cousin, but he was awake. I held his hand, gently kissed his lips, and…

The nurses told me about a condition called ICU psychosis. When a person has been removed from reality for a length of time and put in a room with no windows, and only tubes, monitors, and people they don’t know, they lose touch with reality. Steve had a strong case of ICU psychosis…

Moving to a new room meant leaving the constant care of one full time nurse to a situation of one nurse for two patients. Right before leaving the downstairs critical care Steve had thrown up while lying flat on his back. His family and I were in the room with him and quickly responded by sitting him up and calling for the nurse…