Chapter Twenty Two: Destiny Reveals Itself
Steve and I were in Utah on a camping trip for our anniversary in the fall of 2010. Steve was struggling with quitting smoking, so he asked me one night as we sat around the campfire if I would do a Rojdnan session for him to give him some insights about his struggle. I brought my spirit’s voice through and Rojdnan told Steve that yes indeed he would be able to quit smoking. In fact, his entire life was about to change and the next time he visited that area everything about him would be different; he would act different and even look different. Nothing about him would remain the same. He would experience a complete transformation, Rojdnan happily told him.
This information was upsetting to me. I couldn’t sleep that night as I thought about what this could mean. I didn’t know how Steve could transform so drastically that even his appearance would be different. How could that be possible? I felt unsettled for a quite a while after that.
Two months after our Utah camping trip Steve began experiencing severe pain in his right leg. The pain became so extreme I had to take him to the ER one morning. He was diagnosed with a large blood clot in his right leg and was immediately put on blood thinners and told to quit smoking. This would be the beginning of our three year journey of complicated symptoms and eventually a misdiagnosis that would send Steve to the ER that May morning.
Before Steve went to the hospital that frightening morning in May, his life had been getting smaller and smaller. His illness had a lot to do with the cramped corners of his world. He had been sick on and off for three years which made it difficult to socialize with friends. Summer camping trips had to be canceled because he didn’t have the strength to set up our tent trailer. And, many holidays were spent at home sick in bed. Beyond not feeling well, he was beginning to question other aspects of his life. The way he earned his living was becoming a burden. He was unhappy with the stress it was causing him. His physical challenges were making his work challenges difficult to tolerate.
Steve had been doing the same career for many years. He was a computer tech as well as a website and multimedia developer. He worked from home solving difficult technical problems for his clients. If anyone had a computer issue, Steve was the man to call. He was considered the Mac guru of Sedona. But, after years of solving complicated computer issues and creating beautifully functioning websites, he was finding his job more stressful than rewarding. He would tell me often that he didn’t want to solve people’s problems any more. He wanted to create technology that would change the world and make it a better place, but he didn’t know how to stop the momentum of his current career and make the shift to a more satisfying life. We needed the money his computer skills brought us. There seemed to be no easy solution to this stifling health and monetary quandary that he felt trapped in.
I had also been feeling in a slump. The last eight years of my life had seen a lot of loss. Several close friends had passed away and our little dog, Keva, had also passed after a long and difficult illness. Our children had been through their own young adult challenges during those years. I was feeling a little lost after years of loss and stress. To add to my overwhelm, the three difficult years of Steve’s complex illness had worn me down. Life was losing its sparkle for me. It felt like all work with very little reward for my efforts.
The way we were living needed to change, but we felt so stuck that we didn’t know how to change it. We were overwhelmed by our conditions, so overwhelmed that we needed a Divine intervention. Being believers in the Divine, we asked for a miracle. A big one. It felt like our only solution.
Our request was answered on May 5th as Steve’s ambulance raced to the hospital. Destiny was revealing itself.
During the most critical phase of Steve’s hospitalization, his appearance changed. The chemo made his hair fall out, while the extreme dose of prednisone caused his face to plump up. His failing liver turned his skin a bright yellow, and his body swelled beyond recognition because of his failing kidneys. During his hallucination phase, even his personality changed. I was beginning to see what Rojdnan had meant by “he would look different”.
After Steve came home from the hospital and life began to settle into a normal routine, his appearance shifted again. His hair began to grow back, and his skin was looking much healthier. His water weight eventually diminished leaving his body looking thin, but normal again. He was even beginning to act more like his loving self. But, there was a difference. His eyes were softer and more rounded. There was a look of love shining through them that I had not seen before. He had a fuller awareness of others and what they were feeling. He appreciated everything, every tiny little detail of his daily world. He was kinder, softer, excited, eager, and more loving. Even though he still faced a major physical challenge of not being able to maneuver his body the way he wanted to, he was not the frustrated man who only months before couldn’t find a way out of his tight, suffocating world. He was free.
Coming to a complete standstill and surrendering to the process of stillness loosened the shackles he had worn. Learning how to receive from the doctors and nurses who gave to him daily, then the constant love and support from friends and family expanded and softened his heart. Dancing on the edge of life had given him a perspective that allowed him to see the miracle of his newly redesigned self. He was happy. Life had promise. His faith had been restored.
Eventually, after months of rehab, he left the wheelchair and began to walk. It was slow at first, but gradually became stronger. His left foot is still numb, so he walks with a strange, heavy footed limp, but he’s walking. His hair is thick and dark again. His skin has been rejuvenated to a youthful glow and his eyes sparkle with health, enthusiasm, and hope. He is the same beautiful man I have always loved. Except, he’s not.
He’s a miracle man. A man who had the courage to go to the deepest parts of himself to discover his destiny.
We have not been back to our anniversary spot in Utah since the night of Rojdnan’s words. This summer we plan to return.