Allowing

To say “I allow you”, is to say, “I love you.”
-Rojdnan

It’s not what you say,
it’s what you don’t say that is important.
The wisdom of silence is the most profound wisdom;
Knowing when not to speak is to allow each person to find within themselves their own inner knowing.
Silent allowing is unconditional in it’s love.
-Kenna Akash

My husband is dealing with an illness right now that’s been lingering for a while as he navigates the avenues of it’s insistent message. It’s already been a year of multiple symptoms; exhausted days, better days, pain, no pain. Autoimmune illnesses act this way. It keeps him present and having to stay tuned in each day to what he needs for that day. And, while he is navigating the confines of it’s grip, I am allowing him to have this journey by stepping back and letting him take the reins of his new evolving self.

This is not an easy thing for me to do. I’m very good at researching, finding answers, and then implementing those answers into my life, and now I want to do the same for him. But, it’s not my journey, so all I can do is share with him my information and allow him to use it in whatever way he feels is appropriate for him on that day and in that moment. There are some days that I just want him to be well. I’m tired of the stress this illness has brought us. I know he wants to be done with this, too, but it’s his journey of self discovery for now, a journey that his spirit has created to teach him about taking better care of himself, a lesson long over due.

He’s worked very hard for many years while burning the candle at both ends. He has been driven to produce the best work possible for his clients at the expense of his health. There were many days he didn’t eat much, or sleep much, or even see me. Those days, those years, of ignoring himself for someone else’s needs have now ended. His body is insisting on proper care and nourishment. If he doesn’t follow his body’s demands, he suffers in a big way with extreme fatigue, aching joints, and a persistent skin rash, and that only covers a few of the many symptoms he deals with.

I don’t always know what he’s going to choose, but I want to continue to trust his choosing. It’s been difficult for me because I’ve seen what he’s done in the past and I only have old information about how he has treated his body for many unaware years. This is new ground for both of us, and yes, it has scared me to think he may not choose to show up for himself now. But, this is MY lesson, to step aside, allow him to choose, and then trust what he chooses. It’s time for me to trust his big spirit and how his spirit can guide him into his new life and this new way of relating to his body with love and good self care. I’ve been asking to see this shift in him for a long time and now that it’s in the process of creating a new image for him I want to trust this daily unfoldment of his new life regardless of what symptom is shouting for attention that day.

One partner doesn’t shift without the other one having to, so here is my opportunity to be better at allowing someone I love the space they need to recreate themselves. My worry, my fears, my desire to have my healthy husband back are NOT supporting his new journey, and I truly want to support him as he maneuvers his way through this big lesson of self love. I love him and me enough to learn how to shift with him. It’s the best gift I can give him, and me. If I can truly allow someone to transform their life, no matter how messy or painful it might look while the reconstruction is happening, then I have learned unconditional love, and I have learned how to trust the unseen part of life and create a space for that unseen to become visible. I want to know that I can believe in the miraculous powers of transformation, so I’m going to continue to see my husband as a wise spiritual being who is expanding into his bigger and wiser self. I will hold this image for that expansion by trusting and supporting what he’s choosing daily for himself.

Life keeps giving me this lesson. I’ve had many opportunities to know this way of allowing over the last six years as I’ve allowed a friend to take her journey with cancer the way she wanted to instead of the way I wanted her to. After that, my children have had their various adult challenges that have helped me grow into a more allowing parent as they have stretched themselves, with great drama, into new lifestyles. I’ve said goodbye to friends, some through death, some through moving away, and I’ve cared for and ultimately said goodbye to my beloved fur child, Keva, after a long and stressful illness with heart disease. There has been a constant flow of the ones I love making major life shifts and me standing on the side lines gently holding the space for their new and more expanded journeys. I’m a little worn down from it all. It’s been a long six years of lifequakes, but I am gradually learning to appreciate the lesson. This lesson of allowing makes life more graceful when I can allow change to happen instead of resisting the inevitable shift. And, a graceful life is what I prefer now. I am beginning to release my grasp of fear and I am no longer reacting to life with dread. I now want to gracefully glide from one life altering event to the next because this way of living expands me and allows me to be a more loving companion and friend.

So, as my husband continues to define his greatness and create a life of loving habits, I will continue to hold that sacred space of allowing him to grow. And, I will also continue to find that space inside of me that will allow my unseen life, that sacred place of my heart’s desires, a chance to become more visible in my world. For me, this is what love is; a chance to offer trust and support when someone wants to leave an old way of living and create a whole new world. I may not always understand it and it may be painful at times to watch, but my heart wants to offer the unconditional love that is its true nature, so I will follow my heart’s lead and give those I love this unconditional space by allowing each one of them to have their soul expanding journeys as I stand by and hold the big space for their beautiful newly expanding lives.